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Post by ready2brawl on Sept 25, 2007 20:08:53 GMT -5
Brass knuckles are an artificial reproduction of Chuck Norris's knuckles. However, they fail to live up to the original.
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IOwnedYou
Member
The Man With The Tophat[M:200]
I knew it...
Posts: 2,247
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Post by IOwnedYou on Sept 27, 2007 19:58:34 GMT -5
I don't have jokes so... I made a suckish one up: Chuck Norris is so manly he goes to sleep on pointy rocks with a care bear that has red eyes and is on fire.
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Post by ness11 on Sept 28, 2007 15:47:11 GMT -5
Chuck Norris's roundhouse kicks they shatter bones even if you don't have bones there.
the first man on the moon was chuck norris he just didn't take the credit.
9 out of 10 murders were provided by chuck norris.
no one has ever seen chuck norris in a dark alley because none lived to tell the tale.
Chuck Norris got an A+ on every paper because he threatened to roundhouse kick the teachers.
on sept 11 left the planet for the day and after that day he never left the planet because he didn't like terrorist doing his dirty work.
Chuck Norris can be killed! (see Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny)
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Post by smashbro on Sept 28, 2007 15:51:58 GMT -5
If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.
Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.
The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!
For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls.
Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.
Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.
Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.
He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.
The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
Chuck Norris can taste lies.
One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.
In 1990, Chuck Norris founded the non-profit organization "Kick Drugs Out of America". If the organization's name were "Roundhouse Kick Drugs out of America", there wouldn't be any drugs in the Western Hemisphere. Anywhere.
Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.
Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.
With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?
Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.
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Post by ness11 on Sept 28, 2007 18:41:42 GMT -5
Chuck Norris walks into a building with Michael Vick, Shaq, Mario, a mexican, Jackie Chan, Darth Vader, and GBW inside. None survived except Shaq who was found hiding in a closet with a carebear.
Chuck Norris is the king of penguins because he roundhoused kicked all the polarbears to Kentucky (there were no survivers).
when the cincy bengals were attempting a feild goal chuck round housed the kicker and holder and ran the ball in for a touchdown there was no penalty given
the dinosaurs weren't wiped out by a comet but chuck norris throwing baseballs from space.
The u.s's plan to end the Iraq war is they are going to drop chuck norris from a plane 1 million ft off the ground with a nuk tied to his back.............none survived.
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Post by falcoman on Sept 29, 2007 21:22:52 GMT -5
If any of you watched a certain video, Fox is Chuck Norris.
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Post by smashbro on Sept 30, 2007 8:09:48 GMT -5
yes, i found that video
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Post by falcoman on Sept 30, 2007 10:02:01 GMT -5
i know
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Post by smashbro on Sept 30, 2007 13:05:40 GMT -5
Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.
Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver
MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match
Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking
It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult
No one can solve the equation Chuck Norris' foot + your face = ___. This is because the only way to know is through example. Of the few who tried, none survived.
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Post by smashbro on Sept 30, 2007 13:13:22 GMT -5
In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"
Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".
Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun
Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.
In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris
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Post by ready2brawl on Oct 2, 2007 17:27:22 GMT -5
Chuck Norris is like King Midas, except everything he touches dies.
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Post by ness11 on Oct 2, 2007 17:39:15 GMT -5
Chuck Norris aloud Mt. Rushmore to be built because those were the only president he liked.
Bill Belecheck got the idea of cheating from Chuck Norris
GWB aka the monkey wasn't approved by Chuck Norris but his addveser (who was later found flying towards the sun after being roundhouse kicked) see a difference
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Post by smashbro on Oct 5, 2007 16:33:02 GMT -5
Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face
Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month
Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo
The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.
TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion
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Post by ready2brawl on Oct 5, 2007 22:29:14 GMT -5
Chuck Norris once punched a guy. The man was killed five times. Since then, he has vowed never to punch again.
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Post by Shiraku on Oct 6, 2007 3:03:20 GMT -5
Chuck Norris survived the black plague by roundhouse kicking the air free of germs.
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smashbro ~~~ Authority: 20 ~~~ Combat: 10
