Post by Bert on May 10, 2010 16:28:47 GMT -5
KEANU REEVES and JEFF DANIELS run around a building wearing SWAT uniforms.
Keanu Reeves:
We’re so good at playing dress up and pretending to be cops.
Jeff Daniels:
Yes we are.
They rescue all the people trapped on the elevator and find DENNIS HOPPER who has DYNAMITE strapped to his chest. This is DRAMATIC.
Dennis Hopper:
Pop quiz, hotshot: Terrorist gunman carrying a police hostage—
Keanu Reeves:
Shut the hell up and explode already.
DENNIS HOPPER runs away and EXPLODES.
KEANU REEVES sees a bus EXPLODE. This is very EXCITING. A phone rings.
Dennis Hopper:
Did you see that? Wasn’t that an amazing CGI effect? I did that. Me.
Keanu Reeves:
Whoa.
Dennis Hopper:
Anyway, that’s gonna happen to another bus if I don’t get a salary of $3.7 million. Get going.
Keanu Reeves:
Dude.
KEANU boards the BUS. To make the plot more interesting, the DRIVER is shot by a passenger.
Keanu Reeves:
Whoa.
Sandra Bullock:
Don’t worry, I’ll take the wheel because I’m great for a heroine.
Alan Ruck:
Hi, I’m annoying as hell.
Sandra Bullock:
Understatement of the year.
They crash into some stuff and crash into some more stuff and crash into some more stuff for a while.
Director Jan de Bont:
Oh, right, we need a plot.
Joe Morton:
Keanu, there’s a gap up ahead. Do you think you can get to the other side by making an impossible jump?
Keanu Reeves:
I’m Keanu Reeves, bitch. Of course I can.
The BUS makes an impossible JUMP.
Sandra Bullock:
Damn, you did it!
Keanu Reeves:
Hell yeah, also, he can see you.
Sandra Bullock:
What?
Keanu Reeves:
There’s a camera right in front of you. Whatever, just drive around in circles at the airport.
MEANWHILE, Dennis Hopper praises himself and his brilliant scheme.
Dennis Hopper:
Teehee, I’m so evil.
SANDRA BULLOCK drives the bus around in circles at an AIRPORT. JOE MORTON uses the signal from the BUS to make a tape of the inside and loop it. They rescue the passengers and the bus explodes!
Keanu Reeves:
Yay, I’m so heroic!
Dennis Hopper:
Blow me.
DENNIS HOPPER kidnaps SANDRA BULLOCK and runs into a subway. KEANU REEVES chases after him and Dennis goes crazy and shoots the roof of the train for some reason.
Dennis Hopper:
This is for being a better actor than me, you bastard!
DENNIS HOPPER goes onto the top of the train and smacks KEANU around like a bitch.
Dennis Hopper:
I’m smarter than you, Keanu. I’m smarter than you.
WHAP! DENNIS’ head gets blown off by a subway light.
KEANU REEVES derails the train and kisses SANDRA BULLOCK.
Sandra Bullock:
Wow, you’re so heroic.
Keanu Reeves:
I know, did you see the way I got smacked around by Dennis Hopper? That was awesome.
Sandra Bullock:
Of course, if we crashed this thing and had some fatal injuries, that might make this ending a bit more dramatic.
Director Jan de Bont:
More what?
END
Keanu Reeves:
We’re so good at playing dress up and pretending to be cops.
Jeff Daniels:
Yes we are.
They rescue all the people trapped on the elevator and find DENNIS HOPPER who has DYNAMITE strapped to his chest. This is DRAMATIC.
Dennis Hopper:
Pop quiz, hotshot: Terrorist gunman carrying a police hostage—
Keanu Reeves:
Shut the hell up and explode already.
DENNIS HOPPER runs away and EXPLODES.
KEANU REEVES sees a bus EXPLODE. This is very EXCITING. A phone rings.
Dennis Hopper:
Did you see that? Wasn’t that an amazing CGI effect? I did that. Me.
Keanu Reeves:
Whoa.
Dennis Hopper:
Anyway, that’s gonna happen to another bus if I don’t get a salary of $3.7 million. Get going.
Keanu Reeves:
Dude.
KEANU boards the BUS. To make the plot more interesting, the DRIVER is shot by a passenger.
Keanu Reeves:
Whoa.
Sandra Bullock:
Don’t worry, I’ll take the wheel because I’m great for a heroine.
Alan Ruck:
Hi, I’m annoying as hell.
Sandra Bullock:
Understatement of the year.
They crash into some stuff and crash into some more stuff and crash into some more stuff for a while.
Director Jan de Bont:
Oh, right, we need a plot.
Joe Morton:
Keanu, there’s a gap up ahead. Do you think you can get to the other side by making an impossible jump?
Keanu Reeves:
I’m Keanu Reeves, bitch. Of course I can.
The BUS makes an impossible JUMP.
Sandra Bullock:
Damn, you did it!
Keanu Reeves:
Hell yeah, also, he can see you.
Sandra Bullock:
What?
Keanu Reeves:
There’s a camera right in front of you. Whatever, just drive around in circles at the airport.
MEANWHILE, Dennis Hopper praises himself and his brilliant scheme.
Dennis Hopper:
Teehee, I’m so evil.
SANDRA BULLOCK drives the bus around in circles at an AIRPORT. JOE MORTON uses the signal from the BUS to make a tape of the inside and loop it. They rescue the passengers and the bus explodes!
Keanu Reeves:
Yay, I’m so heroic!
Dennis Hopper:
Blow me.
DENNIS HOPPER kidnaps SANDRA BULLOCK and runs into a subway. KEANU REEVES chases after him and Dennis goes crazy and shoots the roof of the train for some reason.
Dennis Hopper:
This is for being a better actor than me, you bastard!
DENNIS HOPPER goes onto the top of the train and smacks KEANU around like a bitch.
Dennis Hopper:
I’m smarter than you, Keanu. I’m smarter than you.
WHAP! DENNIS’ head gets blown off by a subway light.
KEANU REEVES derails the train and kisses SANDRA BULLOCK.
Sandra Bullock:
Wow, you’re so heroic.
Keanu Reeves:
I know, did you see the way I got smacked around by Dennis Hopper? That was awesome.
Sandra Bullock:
Of course, if we crashed this thing and had some fatal injuries, that might make this ending a bit more dramatic.
Director Jan de Bont:
More what?
END
