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Post by The King Of Darkness on Feb 28, 2009 13:39:01 GMT -5
For a while now i've have been feeling lifeless and emotionless. Kinda of like nothing seems to matter to me anymore. I feel like nothing is worth half the trouble i put forward to do it. Its like "what do i care? just let whatever happens happen." or "whats the point. it will just end badly". I do things but even when i seem into it im just not. Ill do things but put no effort or energy into what i do at all. It almost like my entire life as we know it seems meaningless and has no purpose out all. I've at many times thought to myself "Why do i exist". I pretty much live life with no true purpose which is the same as being dead. I basically live to exist. In other words i feel dead inside. Upon further evaluation of myself i started to figure out why I'm feeling that way. I started to come to the conclusion that i struggle to find any form of happiness in this wretched existence i call my life. I feel as though im never happy ever and im always either mad or just depressed. I've told my friends in need they need to find happiness in their life, now it only feels like empty meaningless words seeing i cant even do it myself. I have Aspergers Syndrome. To sum up im an very emotional person and take things very seriously. I have massive difficultly controlling my emotions as star or angel could tell you. When things go wrong im usually the first to get super pissed of super depressed. There have been many moments where i just emotionally break down and cry (go on laugh, im not ashamed to admit that i cry). Ive struggled with these issues my whole life. I have little to no social skills meaning I have no friends outside of this crack infested forum and lack the social skill to make friends. I've gone through my whole life completely alone with noone but my family to turn to and i dont even turn to them. Throughout years of loneliness it started to become feeling natural to be alone to the point of pushing all other away from me. It feels like no matter how hard i try i will always be miserable and alone. I have a great life. I'm pretty much provided everything i could ever want or need so why am i always miserable. I may seem like a nice friendly guy on the forums but im completely different in real life. Im a upset angry miserable excuse for a human being. Barely any thing brings me true happiness any more. I feel almost like i was created to be miserable. What good is a good life if you must miserably spend it completely alone? I bottle my emotions so others cant be hurt by them, i tend to trust no one when discussing my true feeling and open up to no one. All i would know to trust is myself. Now a days i only have learned to open up to Star, Angel and Ghost but despite that despite having some friends i can trust i still dont feel happy. Am i just not meant to be happy? Why must it happen to me? Why must i be such an emotional wreck? |
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Post by Angel on Feb 28, 2009 13:48:26 GMT -5
KoD, going to lay some blunt truths on you.
One, we both have autistic spectrum problem. Mine may not be as serious as you.. but I can understand what it means to be just limited on social interaticon. I twich when people get near me to touch, I think things over in my head about a million times before I say it because I'm scared of how it will turn out. I cry when I have to go on the bus and be around other people because I can't stand the thought of them looking at me. Even my own fiancee has been on the reciving end of some very emotionally stresseful times due to my lack of social skills completely.
I'll just sit there, blank and quiet. We all have alot of trouble making friends.. and I know it's hard for you. But I'm going to tell you right now I know quite a few people with your disorder and they do manage to have normal, loving lives.
Here comes the blunt part.
Part of the reason you never are happy is partly because your so used to be unhappy that you don't think you deserve to be happy.. and in a way, you choose to be miserable and it's your fault. You need to look at life for it's little things and not be so depressed. What is so special about having tons of friends in "Real life." I'm here. I'm a person. A human breathing, loving person. We talk, we play games, everything. I'm a REAL LIFE friend. Just because we aren't close to each other doesn't change that fact.
But here is the turth. THe more you think that your emotional and lifeless, the more you going to BE emotional and lifeless. The more you think and believe that your an unhappy and never will be happy, the more that becomes true. You are shaping your own reality with these thoughts. You have to let go. Think positively, have hope, and just believe that you are worth it.
Or your going to be trapped forever. Your the only one who can change your situation.
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Magus
Member
[M:0]
Posts: 192
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Post by Magus on Feb 28, 2009 13:49:43 GMT -5
Word, I feel you man, I feel just the same way.
There are a few solutions:
1) SOCOM+Temple
2) Rope+Chair
3) Rat+Poison
4) Razor+Wrist
5) Meditation, thinking, helping yourself.
6) Therapy.
Im working on numbah 5.
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Post by peram on Feb 28, 2009 15:25:55 GMT -5
Am i just not meant to be happy? Why must it happen to me? Why must i be such an emotional wreck?
These are questions we all ask ourselves, you are not alone. Just don't let those thoughts run your life. Ask yourself "What's something fun I can do right now?" "Who can I talk to that doesn't make me feel like crap?" Stuff like that. Happy stuff.
It doesn't really matter that you don't have friends in "real life." However, we are all living in real life, and we're all friends, so doesn't that mean we're all real life friends? The way I see it, as long as you can talk to someone who doesn't make you feel like crap, life is pretty good.
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Bert
Member
Life's a gas, oh yea~ah!
Posts: 2,235 
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Post by Bert on Feb 28, 2009 16:40:30 GMT -5
Word, I feel you man, I feel just the same way. There are a few solutions: 1) SOCOM+Temple 2) Rope+Chair
3) Rat+Poison
4) Razor+Wrist5) Meditation, thinking, helping yourself. 6) Therapy. Im working on numbah 5. You do realize how unhelpful #2-4 are, don't you? Sh!t, didn't see that coming. I'm not good for advice, but if you're feeling down all the time like you say, I suggest listening to music. Uplifting music. Like, say...Carmelldansen or Brawl music. |
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Post by Angel on Feb 28, 2009 16:43:29 GMT -5
Uplifting music. Like, say...Carmelldansen YES, YES, AND YES! This is a major yes. Love that song. |
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Post by sasukess on Feb 28, 2009 17:20:18 GMT -5
I have Aspergers Syndrome too.I also have Bipolar Disorder and ADHD.I have Short-term memory loss too. Its sucks and is a pain in the @$$ but I just learned to live with it.
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Big Boss
Member
Honorable Father [M:360]
Calling to the night, for us, for every single life All the ashes of men remain as a perfect memory
Posts: 5,692
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Post by Big Boss on Mar 1, 2009 22:23:23 GMT -5
here we go KOD its time. well KOD like it or not your not my favorite person on the forums. Alot of people tend to think of you as somewhat annoying. its probobly because of your dissorder. here is the thing you have the ability to step up in life and be more self confident in what you do, you have to force yourself to be known and respected. on the site and in the world. mabey you should go for a new image. the picture i saw of you was well... nerdy try growing your hair a bit longer get some new shades, self image happiness grows to self confidence. you got a sweet arse car tell people about it. also get into sports or college activities. like drama class or art club. meet people. dont be shy force yourself to go up and talk. getting friends is actually easy. just agree to whatever they like first, then open yourself up to them. get a cell phone with unlimited txting alot of people do it. its just like MSN. if you can open yourself up to star, you can definitaly open yourself up to others. if you dont the world will eat you alive. i want to see a self confident KOD. then big boss shall respect you.
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Post by The King Of Darkness on Mar 2, 2009 7:30:20 GMT -5
here we go KOD its time. well KOD like it or not your not my favorite person on the forums. Alot of people tend to think of you as somewhat annoying. its probobly because of your dissorder. here is the thing you have the ability to step up in life and be more self confident in what you do, you have to force yourself to be known and respected. on the site and in the world. mabey you should go for a new image. the picture i saw of you was well... nerdy try growing your hair a bit longer get some new shades, self image happiness grows to self confidence. you got a sweet arse car tell people about it. also get into sports or college activities. like drama class or art club. meet people. dont be shy force yourself to go up and talk. getting friends is actually easy. just agree to whatever they like first, then open yourself up to them. get a cell phone with unlimited txting alot of people do it. its just like MSN. if you can open yourself up to star, you can definitaly open yourself up to others. if you dont the world will eat you alive. i want to see a self confident KOD. then big boss shall respect you. I DO NOT plan on changing my image nor do i plan on changing how i act (despite becoming more positive) for other people. If people cant see me for me and the good person i am, then People that judgmental dont deserve to have a friend as good as me. And Further more you act as though socialization is simple. Its not that easy. My whole life it has been an everlasting struggle. I dont have a strong trust st all for people. While everyone is socializing and having fun im there in the distance sitting alone and by myself. I've never been to any social event's in my life ive never even had a girlfriend. All i know is loneliness. |
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Post by smashbro on Mar 2, 2009 9:15:37 GMT -5
alright, I know i haven't replied in it till now, but KoD, listen to what people are saying. everyone here has likely felt bad about themselves at one point, and gotten slightly depressed. lately I too have been asking myself how i could be happier, because things are, i dont know, different.
This site has definately changed us, all of the regular members, because you're not the only one who has been socially awkward. Herewe can be different, and who we truly are on the inside. So keep talking to people on the site you have been talking to, and things will get better.
Just remember KoD, you do have true friends, on this forum, us.
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Post by NBAplaya8484 on Mar 2, 2009 12:38:18 GMT -5
Smashbro has a good point but we arent enough you can't let yourself just sit back and watch...Your a nice guy on the forum so be just as nice to people in real life and I guarantee it will work ;D
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Post by sidewaysj on Sept 14, 2009 17:49:35 GMT -5
I suppose my problems aren't AS serious, but i could say, at least, to a good enough extent, i know what you feel like. You can talk to me anytime btw. And you can trust me, although i know that's doubtful, you don't even know me, ha.. but yeah  I think it would help a lot to try to go out places like concerts or something. And then just talk to random people, and try to be their friend. Don't worry about what they think about you, although i know that can be hard. But don't, and you increase your chances of making some new friends. And, well obviously, it's not good to bottle up things and never trust anyone really. Yes, you will probably get hurt in trusting people. But it's kinda inevitable, just try to be careful about who you trust. And there WILL be someone that won't let you down. I'm speaking this from experience, because i'm not so much of a happy person. I'm working on it, and i used to be depressed nearly all the time. I can be pretty fun, but yeah, also pretty depressing. I would be pretty good if it weren't for this problem with one of my friends(i don't know if she's my friend..? maybe i'm just saying that). Anyway.. If you have texting, feel free to text me. I'll give you my number if you ask in a p.m. And i can talk too, just only after 9 and on weekends..ha.. And i use yahoo IM too, as well as some chat sites, if you want. I'm a very understanding guy, and don't worry, if you freak out on me, i'm not gonna do it back to you lol. It'll be alright. (just apologize if that happens ;P) And if we talk, i can go more into MYself, maybe make you feel more comfortable, hm? Good luck to you. Again, feel free to p.m. me for anything. |
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Post by The King Of Darkness on Sept 14, 2009 17:51:59 GMT -5
Dude i appreciate the thought but cmon check the date of the last post. Old thread is old. LOCKING!
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[M:-5]
smashbro ~~~ Authority: 20 ~~~ Combat: 10
