Post by ness11 on Aug 10, 2009 18:50:37 GMT -5
Do you know the tale, of a special spectacle that comes every year?
Do you know, of the hilarity that commences leaving people grinning and almost shedding tears?
Do you know, of the high jinks that ensue that often leaves people dazed and confused?
Do you know, the Muffin Man?
This, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call the POSTYS.
Ah, the local junkyard of Topeka, Kansas: home to a many hobos and spouses kicked out of their homes, but there was one other. His name, was LGN. LGN was sleeping in a cardboard box with several rips in tears, only to awake with a piece of paper on his face. He mumbles and then reads the note:
“Dear Sir or Madam,
We members of the POSTYS Committee proudly and gladly invite all to come and watch the unveiling of golden mushrooms to people you have never seen or heard of, but that’s beyond the point. Come, no further explanation is necessary, curiosity will take you the rest of the way. Bring plenty of tissues, popcorn, and xylophones; we hope to see you soon.
Sincerely,
The POSTYS Committee”
Suddenly, LGN springs up out of the cardboard box and his newspaper blanket with an astonished and stressed expression on his face.
LGN: Motha Ghangii, I forgot about the POSTYS! Why does this seem so familiar?
Angel: *pokes head out of trash can* I’m six years old!
Unfortunately for LGN, this did not answer his question. And even more unfortunate for Angel, she realized she left the water running and dashed off.
LGN: Well maybe the others can stall for the opening segment. *realizes he is the opening segment* Brother of a sea urgent!
And with that LGN decided to truck it on over to the POSTYS as quickly as he could, while also playing extravagant music and completing oddball tasks, and yet again I will type it for a third time. This is, POSTYS III.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_YPCAu41Ho
((Less than Jake – Rock-n-Roll Pizzeria))
Across the globe he would go, where he stops, only Steele knows! LGN leaped over piles of trash with much ease, but to his displease he was being hunted down by the junkyard hounds. They nipped at him with their shiny teeth and glaring eyes, but out of the blue jumped Spookypaw who kicked them in the jaw. Together the duo traveled on, where he would find other persons of interest such as the one who mashes Mario’s and a crazed duck lover.
Meanwhile, the other hosts arrived without the look of a bloodthirsty rush smeared all over their faces. The crowd cheered and sang in envy as Steele of JROTC waltz around in pure glee, to which he replied “Go Gators!” for reasons that can not be explained at all. KoD appeared as well, and his posse of vibrant personas followed suit. Last, but certainly not late, was Stif, who kept praising Luna Lovegood so much Bert started to shed tears. They met backstage, but LGN was nowhere to be seen. KoD and Stif were merely puzzled by the scene, while Steele’s face began to steam so much he would make a useful lantern in case of a power outage; which was far from being a-okay.
But there was nothing they could do but look on, while Captain Lazy pressed on. Dodging New York traffic and bagel hunters, throwing a tea party in the Boston Harbor, traversing the Pacific Ocean in only a matter of minutes, and escaping the bulls of Spain: they were only minutes away before the fat lady would sing on the gondolas of Venice. But alas, tardiness will have to wait another day, and bursting through the backdrop walls, LGN stumbled onto the stage and fell on his face, to save the day.
KoD: Well it’s about time.
LGN: Blarghen-strudel, I hate it when I have to do that.
Stif: And why did you rhyme so much? Not to mention you made an intro for the intro for the intro, and this is just another intro for the real intro.
LGN: Well, hopefully I just won’t be cut off by the an—
Announcer: Live from Venice, Italy, this is, the POSTYS!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=glfRfFmLSM4
((Dancing with the Stars – Intro))
The canals shake; the buildings and grandstands are filled with rowdy and passionate fans; and the air had a crisp scent for Shrooms. From Weird Al, Lloyd Irving, Eiron, and even a Shepard and his sheep, the crowd was overflowing with whacky and infamous faces. Lights flickered and sparkled over the cascading waters of the canal and the beautiful city of Venice, some of the people working the lights made shadow puppets.
The POSTYS hosts entered in their own certain style, whether doing twin barrel rolls or ridding a crocodile, the crowd couldn’t be more pleased by their showing of randomosity. However, LGN was not quite as flamboyant as the others, and leisurely slithered on down. Vocabulary aside, Stif pulled a lever and up sprang the bright and golden shrooms that almost looked good enough to eat. The crowd was going Bonkers, and a certain Brawl developer we all know well was just as bright eyed and bushytailed as he was before.
LGN: *is wheeled into upright position by dolly* Thank you one in all, I am pleased to see you all.
Steele: A spectacular showcase of awards given to what you, the voters, polled for. Whether it is the ‘Most Dedicated Member’ or ‘Terrible Thespian’ you vote for it, we post it. The winners will receive one these golden shrooms *gestures to podium with shrooms* and will receive some parting gifts that are nowhere near as cool.
LGN: But there will be some special shrooms as well, given to members for extraordinary acts or attributes!
Stif: Oh really?
LGN: Yes in-deedy, also allow me to run off the schedule for the week: tonight is the Opening Ceremonies, tomorrow you’ll be able to see Stif and the Entertainment Awards, Wednesday will be KoD’s time to shine with the RPG Awards, Thursday Steele brings the glam with the Member Awards, and I’ll close out the show with the Closing Ceremonies. There’s so much to see and observe, so without further ado, let’s begin! *fireworks shoot off on sides of stage*
KoD: Our first shroom is for the “Strangest Spam” winner. The nominees for this bizarre award are:
SLE stole my Wallet From Me
Operation Soup Pants
Kin – Why he’s better than you
Stif: And the winner is…………………….OPERATION SOUP PANTS! *leaps into the air and does the splits*
Strangest Spam: Operation Soup Pants! (Conducted by Dobs and Eiron)
Naturally, Dobs skanks up onto the stage and claims the award, with Eiron not far behind. They tell their tale of gratitude, and wave the shroom in the air. However, disaster strikes, the power is cut, and gasps and screams are heard from the crowd. LGN is on the floor in a fettle position, but soon returns to his feet when he hears the most sinister, diabolical, dreadful voice of a villain known to some, but not all.
?: Bwhahahaha, hoot before me POSTYS hosts, or I shall unleash my wrath!
KoD: Hey, that’s my job to be the annoying villain that comes to screw everything up! *is ignored*
Steele: Who is that: is it Blank, Link King, an under appreciated Goomba?
Stif: Well it might be Bert—
Bert: *jumps up and nearly falls over* I’m in the stands!
LGN: No, I know who it is, but I won’t say it because I have to build more drama, so I don’t know who it is.
?: Give me all the POSTYS Shrooms this instant, or I may do one of two things. One, steal all the POSTYS with my sock puppeteers, or two, give you my cologne that is named after myself. Or three, which I forgot to mention, I will launch this innocent little girl at you from my Wii-Zapper.
Angel: I always say I’m six years old, when really, I’m older than every single one of you. I mean, gah?
The POSTYS Hosts were really left in the dark this time, and I do also mean that literally. With only a second to act and the lives of every single person on the line the bravest of the bunch, Stif spoke up.
Stif: Do you like Luna Lo—*gets hit by a six year old via Wii Zapper*
?: You win this time bovines, but this colored Lord will, return!
With that the lights blasted back on, Steele’s head was on straight, and everything was almost back to the norm before they were rudely interrupted.
Stif: That, was weird.
KoD: I thought it was irritating, I’m supposed to be the main—*is interrupted and ignored*
LGN: Please, this is the POSTYS, anything can happen! *a random ostrich bolts across the stage that Dobs and Eiron chase after*
Steele: Enough chitter-chatter. *whacks LGN with a bowling pin* Our next award is the ‘Spectacular Screw-up (members)’ Award.
KoD: Where we laugh, I mean, honor these great decisions. The nominees being:
Hacking
Maia Being Ice Cold
Anyone Who Trusted the Sheik
Dreadful Role-players
Kin and anything involving clothing
LGN: It has to be the last one, there’s something terribly wrong with that one.
Stif: But actually, the winner is……………………….Anyone Who Trusted the Sheik!
Spectacular Screw-Up: Anyone Who Trusted the Sheik
After the reading of the award winner, many people began boosting about how they were that guy who trusted the Sheik.
Ghost: Lol-a-man’s Island, that was so me!
Big Boss: Yeah, same here.
Cell: Bah, that was all me you fools! I shall melt your faces with my taco beam if you think otherwise.
Back on the stage, the POSTYS Hosts were clearing out for an unexpected appearance by Wiggy and Falcoman. The crowd screamed at the sight of the nostalgic figures, as they strode across the stage, IOY even attempted to leap onto the stage, but ended up falling Sakurai’s Barbie Dollhouse in the seat over.
Wiggy: Ah, I remember you guys, well most of you.
Falcoman: But only those who recall on that epic thing known as nostalgia could remember us; our pirate shenanigans and karma counts that far exceeded those one hundreds, one millions to be exact.
Wiggy: Nevertheless we introduce the ‘Most Nostalgic Moment’ award; honoring some of the most memorable moments in history of pretty much everything that is awesome.
Falcoman: I couldn’t have put it better my often-confused-as-Bert, partner. The nominees are:
Ash and Pikachu become Friends
Hey Arnold Series
Back When Stif Was a Moderator
Supper Bonafide Brawl Release Scrambling of Pictures
Anju and Kafei Ending in Majoras Mask
Falcoman: And the winner is……*receives card from Mitch and the Link, two other nostalgic members*…..Ash and Pikachu Becoming Friends!
Most Nostalgic Moment: Ash and Pikachu Become Friends
The crowd awes in empathy of the duo that have made it a long way from Pallet Town, no matter how many times the battle Team Rocket and Pikachu gets kidnapped…….451 times to be exact. The two walk onto the stage and claim their award, but before they say anything a Bidoof levitates across the stage for no reason. Ash and Pikachu gaze at each other, and nod, they then bolt off the stage and chased after the Bidoof.
The POSTYS Hosts return to the stage.
Stif: I so thought I was going to win, actually, I didn’t, well, maybe; why wasn’t Littlemac somewhere in there?
KoD: I’m more confused about the Bidoof, it makes me wonder what’s coming up around the bend!
KoD then points to the east side of the stage, and floating on a massive gondola, is none other than the Clock Pirates of Ti-Pang. However, these were not your average pirates. Armed with laser swords that fired over swords and household appliances, and decked out in clown suits and Elk antlers, they were truly either a bewildering site or the most terrifying thing the crowd and hosts had ever set their eyes on. Naturally, their leader, Lawl, was there to come ruin the day.
Lawl: Naturally, I’ve come with my band of zelets to come and ruin your day, and I brought Lex Luther, because he’s good at scowling and nothing else, Tim Curry, U2, and a bunch of other people none important people. What do you have to say to that?
LGN: I say, bring you on, in the name of Motha Ghangii!
KoD now pointed to the west side of the stage, where LGN and his band of other pirates were ridding in on pile of magazines and sporks. They also had a barrel with an odd cargo inside of what appeared to be a Toon Link head and body, but it definitely wasn’t Steele, again. Rip Torn was also there, who then kicked the barrel into a rollout toward the Clock Pirates Gondola.
Rip Torn: If you can dodge a barrel with some crack-headed, Gator fan-- you can dodge a ball!
With that the donnybrook commenced. As Steele tripped up a many people from under the feet and then fell into the sea, Ghost hit people with his broken chair and Game Cube. Cell in turn simply snapped his fingers with his epic snowboarding skills (because he would sue if we said surfing) that made the Clock-men go insane. But Lawl was also crafty as he threw shrimp cocktails at everyone, making them go blind from the awful stank. Lex Luther on the other hand, just scowled about his next scheme where he would use a giant crystal to make the United States a water park for profit……or something, his schemes are always pretty convoluted. Now the crowd was getting involved as Sakurai threw Wiimote and accessories at anyone who neared his dollhouse, bellowing a “CHAA!” each time.
In a completely unrelated part of the stage, which was practically a small corner, Jukan missed the madness around him in such a casual manner it’s as if he didn’t notice, as he made his way to the two POSTYS hosts not involved in the fray.
Jukan: Hey, can I get my award now?
Stif: *pokes head out from behind cardboard cutout of himself* What do you mean?
Jukan: Can I just get my award for ‘Dumbest Decision (Staff)’ already? I’m like part of four of the five nominees’ shenanigans that landed them on the list.
KoD: *peaks out from behind his cardboard cutouts of “Bob” whoever “Bob” is*
Jukan: I know, the nominees were:
Once Banned, YOU STAY BANNED!
Making the Sheik a Mod
Angel's One Month Promotion
Ghost and his Gluteus Maximous Censor
Censorship of Spork
Jukan: Can you read it already?
Stif peered around the corner of his cutout and saw that the stage was being ravaged from every point possible. Both bands of pirates were in a fierce deadlock. Lawl and LGN were bopping each other in the noggin with clubs like two cavemen, and Cell suddenly had the urge to go snowboarding and left the field of battle. And yet, no one had bothered to fish Steele out of the canal yet.
Stif figured it would be a good idea just to give Jukan his award, when out of the blue his mind was no longer focusing on obscure Harry Potter characters.
Stif: The winner was the Censorship of Spork, so sorry Jukan, you did not win.
Jukan: Can I at least get a ribbon?
KoD: *reaches into hair and pulls one out* Yes.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI
((Rick Astley – Never Gonna Give You Up))
Dumbest Decision (Staff): Censorship of Spork
And as Rick Astley’s song played throughout the stadium, the fans, pirates, hosts, and everything in-between put aside their differences. LGN stared into Lawl’s eyes, and Lawl stared into Rip Torn’s eyes, who was starring at Samus, who slapped Rip Torn, but no one cared. KoD’s eyes shifted suspiciously, his head twitched, again, and then Stif and Jukan followed suit. Swiftly, a line of head twitchers formed, and people put aside their differences to bask in the oddness, but amazing feeling we call being Rick Roll’D. Sakurai, however, was the most humorous of the pack, as he mouthed the lyrics of the entire song. Yes indeed, it was a moment that words could not describe, and that’s how it was supposed to be.
However, Lex Luther and Bert weren’t feeling it. The two of them both started scowling on the stage, while they paced back and forth.
Lex Luther: I wasn’t paid to have my head twitch in a goofy fashion, and this isn’t the song you do that anyways! Nag Nag Nag! Scowl Scowl Scowl!
Bert: Okay, I’m ending this madness, its bad enough I find this song enjoyable, but I’m not going to watch this non-sense for another twenty minutes.
Bert ran behind stage and looked for the special effects operator. Strangely, he found Bob Snicket messing with the controls with Kirby aiding him. With a cough from Bert the two turned around and spotted Bert. At this point, they knew their ruse was over, and before Bert could speak the duo disappeared behind a cloud of fairy dust and unicorn sparkles. Bert only shrugged, and then made a beeline for the controls, which he smashed to bits with his Palakia plushie.
After five minutes of booting everyone off stage, the POSTYS Hosts had now regained their composure and had driven off the pirates; but alas, they still had not fished out Steele, who was now long gone.
LGN: You know, I had to skip breakfast to get here?
Stif: You’re ignoring the fact that Steele’s missing and recalling that you didn’t have breakfast? How original.
LGN: Why yes of course, and I’m recalling it because it’s our next award: ‘Beastly Breakfast’! The nominees are:
Biscuits and Sausage Gravy with Eggs
Bagels
Waffles
Falcon Punch
Pancakes smothered in Maple Syrup with crispy Bacon and 2 biscuits covered in white home style gravy and an ice cold Apple Juice
Just before Stif and LGN were going to announce the winner, a bus rose out of the canal and onto the stage. It paused; the doors opened and out came Fat Albert carrying the Golden Shroom and the winner of the POSTY, waffles!
Beastly Breakfast: Waffles
Simultaneously, Fat Albert’s friends busted out of the bus in a mad dash to give the fans their much deserved waffles. Even O.J. Simpson, a proud member of Bus Driver’s Inc., a sponsor of the POSTYS, was there high-fiving people and handing them steaming waffles. Many were confused by this gesture, and how O.J. escaped prison again, but they were too busy enjoying their magnificent waffles to care. And as fast as they came, they filed back into their yellow bus and submerged into the sea.
Back with the hosts, LGN, KoD, and Stif were sitting behind a large sport’s desk, and it was obvious that they were going to announce the sport’s awards now. Yet, something seemed different about the three, perhaps KoD’s fake wig and skin tan, Stif’s missing Luna Lovegood apparel and anything that has to do with Harry Potter, and LGN looking like a cake-sniffing moron…..actually, he looks like that a lot.
Stif: Hello I’m Stifmeister Jr., and here are my colleagues King of Hoops KoD, and Scooter G.
KoD: You do know I’m more of a cricket person right? *still ignored*
Stif: Well folks before you we have the sports awards, and even if you don’t like sports I will tell you now that this is no sporting event, but rather, an S.A.P.A. event. Isn’t that right Scooter?
Scooter (LGN): Dude, totally. For you dudes and chicks that don’t know, SAPA stands for “Supper Awesome POSTYS Action”, which I nicknamed. *drinks sports drink*
Stif: *rolls eyes* Anyhow, kicking off the inning is the ‘Most Insane Moment in Sports History’ award, I mean event. Hoops, who do you have winning this event?
KoD: *gets over the fact he doesn’t play basketball* Well Stif, there’s going to be crazy shenanigan-like action going on down there, the competitors being:
‘Kobe Bryant Scoring 81 Points’ – Unfortunately Mr. Bryant’s doin’ work and won’t be able to compete so I put his chances slim.
‘High School Musical's Basketball Screw Up’ – I’m not sure how they made it this far but they are definitely the underdog’s here, considering a lot of people laugh at Disney Channel because of them.
‘2007 Daytona 500 Finish (NASCAR)’ – Bah, since when was making a bunch of left turns and avoiding drunk drivers for a three hour drive an event? I have no idea, but I wouldn’t count them out in this one.
‘Chess Boxing’ – Now that’s what I call a competitor, there’s nothing better than playing rounds of chess and box simultaneously. They are the over-dog in this event, Stif.
Tracy McGrady (T-mac) Scoring 13 Points in 35 seconds – Oh bother, there’s no way that should be in this fight, they’re going to get schooled, fool. My grandma could do that, and she’s handicapped!
MJ's NBA Finals shot – They’re the side dog in this one, Stif, and I know Scooter’s betting all his money on this one to repay his home loans.
Stif: Thanks KoH, and the winner is –drum roll Scooter!
Scooter: Duh, duhduhduh duh da, dadadadada DA DA DA, ti tolli ti tolli tollitollitolli ta DA DA DA, dubdubdubdubdubadubadubadub daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa……..Tracy Mc-Grady!
Most insane moment in Sports history: Tracy McGrady Scoring 13 points in 35 seconds
Stif: Unfortunately, McGrady is too busy practicing for the upcoming season to attend, so we’ll send it to him via sausage. *those weird sausages you see on TV take POSTY and sprint off*
LGN: Now that’s what I call eye-or-knee, heh hah! Oh, and because only one due was nominated, we give Johnny Flynn the ‘Up and Coming Athlete’ award for his prowess and skill in equestrian.
Stif: You mean basketball, Scooter.
Up and Coming Athlete: Johnny Flynn (he sounds like a pirate)
KoH: And the L.A. Clippers won the POSTY for ‘Most Disappointing (Pro) Team’, and Michigan scored the same for college!
LGN: Go Buckeyes……yeah, go Buckeyes! *heard Steele off in the distance shout “Go Gators!”*
Most Disappointing (College/Pro) Team: L.A. Clippers, Michigan Wolverines
Stif: And let’s not forget the ‘Legendary Pro Athlete’ awards! I say, it appears we have a deadlock tie for that award between:
Peyton Manning
Dwayne Wade
Michael Phelps
Michelle Kwan
David Wright
KoH: That is a darn shame Stifmeister, but I wouldn’t call it a bummer because no one has a clue who they are. How are we going to split it into fifths?
Stif: I say we give it to NBA; he sounds like he plays a sport.
Scooter: Eff-i-nay, Hopper, Eff-i-nay!
Legendary Pro Athlete: NBA
NBA runs up onto the stage and celebrates in complete revelation of his victory. He rejoices by slam dunking a basketball from the half court line just like Dr. J., yeah!
KoH: Stif is Scooter alright?
Stif: Oh you get used to it, KoH, I mean KoD. But don’t worry my finely feathered friend, for the Dodge Ball match between the Brawlers and 3rd Party. Scooter is on the scene giving us the scoop on the Brawlers.
Scooter: Thanks Stacey, well I’m here with the captain of—
Stif: Sorry to interrupt G, but that’s a janitor.
Scooter: Oh, sorry about that dudes. *gets hit by broom off camera* Well I’m here with the real captain of the Brawlers: Captain, Popo Falcon; because he’s….well, a captain! So Captain, do you guys think you’re gonna win?
Captain Falcon: YUS!
Scooter: Gnarly bra, so tell me about your band.
Captain Falcon: If you mean my team, then we are the most awesome, epic, and all that jazz. Decking out our six man team is Olimar, Game and Watch, Gannon, Wario, and we recently had to sub in Jigglypuff.
Scooter: Yeah man, I heard Samus had to quit the team, why? *guzzles down more sports drink*
Captain Falcon: Something about a blue suit boy, arm cannons and….well they say she had to go to the hospital, but who cares! With me on our team, we will totally destroy the—
Scooter: Thanks Falcon *cuts him off*, well Stif it seems that someone stuck a laser up Samus’ but on that one.
Stif: Indeed you are right Scooter, and I’m certain Dobs won’t be happy after reading that. Okay, right now we’re with KoH and the Third Party team.
KoH: I’m here with Sonic, leader of the Third Party team and I have to ask Sonic, how will you clobber the other team?
Sonic: We got skillz that ownz, homlez! Ow, yeah, with our pimped out—
KoH: Are you going to kill them or not, dangit!
Sonic: That sounds a little violent, dog.
KoH: *twitches*
Stif: Well it looks like the game is going to start here. Because KoH, is having a moment we’ll go read off the rest of the lineup for the 3rd Partiers or as Sonic wrote on this card for me to read: *shuffles around* The Sellouts, I mean Rock Outs. The team is: Sonic, Snake, Master Chief, Kratos, Spyro, and Bomberman. Megaman was originally part of the team, but as Scooter mentioned he’s….on leave.
Now remember folks, the rules for dodge ball is simple. You throw a ball and hit the opposing player, if they are hit before it hits the ground, they are out, if they catch it, you are out and they get to bring in another player. You also can’t cross the center line and both teams start at their opposing sides to begin the match before they sprint and retrieve the dodge balls. Plus, stars, green and red shells and lightning are banned.
DING DING DING!
Stif: And with that the game begins! The Brawlers are off to a good start retrieving four of the six balls on the playing field. The Rock Outs are having a bit of difficulties, as newly acquainted Kratos is having a bit of hard time gripping the aspects of this game.
Kratos: What is this thing you call…..dodge ball? *gets nailed in the shoulder* RARGH ARGH! I’m going to rip that guy’s face off in an overly gory fashion!
But in ordinance for the rules, Kratos had to take a seat. The Rock Outs suffered another lose when team captain, Sonic, was beamed in the face for dancing around on the stage like a moron. Master Chief also quickly was in need of repair as his godmod option had been turned off, and was out in an instant. Solid was attempting to close quarter someone, particularly Olimar, but he crossed the center line, a direct violation to dodge ball rules; that and he was staring at some woman in the audience.
The Rock Outs were fading fast, with only Spyro and Bomberman left and the Brawlers having a full team, they needed a miracle to comeback in this game.
Scooter: Hah Hah! Looks like Goliath just became David, and David became Chuck Norris!
Stif: You know Scooter I think you actually made a little sense in your last statement. *shakes head in disbelief* What’s this?! Olimar’s and Game and Watch’s passes were both caught, and Snake and Sonic re-enter the game. And the game is even again at four, four. Again, I am bedazzled, it appears Solid and Sonic are using some sort of tag team maneuver, it appears Sonic has become another ball! The ball is tossed, oh but it’s stopped in mid air by a….pink ball? My goodness, these teams are really making good use of their smaller players.
KoH: I don’t know this is definitely not something I approve of, Stif.
Stif: Well now the teams are down to three, three.
Rayman winds for the toss and knocks Wario backwards with his toss. But the Brawlers aren’t out yet; Gannon leaps in the air and puts some spin on his toss, clipping Spyro’s wings, and he is out for the count! But Snake was too quick for the middle-aged geezer, and tags him on his retreat. This sends Falcon into a tailspin of rage:
Captain Falcon: No one ousts the Gannon like that!
Utilizing his inner eight year softball player expertise, he barely strikes Rayman right at his feet. Snake was the only thing standing between Falcon and the glorious reward: The Cereal Bowl filled with waffles and plenty of Captain Crunch’s delicious cereal to keep any man satisfied for a lifetime.
Snake: Hey Falcon, because I’m pretty cheap in Brawl, I’ll tell ya a hint; your fly is undone.
But as slippery as Snake thought he was trying to nail the unsuspecting Falcon, his shot was dodged with the majestic flair of the pilot, doing a triple axel backhand spring three pointer, something so elaborate and complex this description more than not threw you off. Falcon retaliated; he tossed the ball into the air, followed it up with a Falcon Punch, and then let out his battle cry:
Captain Falcon: FALCON-PUNCH!
If you just blinked, you would have missed the dodge ball slamming down into Snake’s groin and then him falling over to the ground, writhing in pain. With the Captain’s Punch he sent the ball speeding into Snake so fast, it would make Sonic jealous. The Brawler’s jumped for joy and poured Falcon Punch over their Captain and celebrated all night long with their Cereal Bowl in hand.
Stif: Now that’s what I call a finish ladies and gentlemen, I have never seen anything like it! I’ve seen penguin soccer, dancing sponges, even the elusive Waldo having a drink of tea with Carmen San Diego, but never anything like this!
Scooter: Good thing I tapped this on my TV, Stif.
KoH: *facepalms*
Stif: Continuing on, we present the winner of ‘Prolific Sports Team’ event. And the printer is printing me the nominees now:
Buffalo Bills of the 90s
Indianapolis Colts (Present)
1980's US Hockey Team
Chicago Bulls 1980's-1990's
Tennessee Titans (Present)
KoH: And the winner, of unanimous decision, is………….the 1980’s US HOCKEY TEAM!
Scooter: U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A!
Prolific Sports Team: 1980’s US HOCKEY TEAM!
Stif: And that closes out the show everyone—
NBA: Boo! I may be the only one still reading this because no one cares about sports, but one more shroom!
Scooter: Stif, it appears the crowd wants another award.
Stif: Yes well, I guess we can close out the show with one more award, but also a little something we have up our sleeves. The last award for the night will be the ‘Superlative Old School Athlete’ POSTY. The nominees being some old time favorites:
Wilt Chamberlain – NBA Star who scored 100 points in one game
Michael Jordan – (you should know who he is)
Roger Banister – First runner to run a mile under four minutes
Lawrence Taylor – NFL Hall of Fame Linebacker (he made a guy bleed by how hard he nailed him)
KoH: And the winner of the POSTY goes to……..
Before KoH could finish his sentence, Scooter threw a basketball into the air near a basketball court that appeared out of nowhere. Michael Jordan lunged after it, did a summersault, and then slammed it down so hard it broke the rim and shattered the backboard glass, revealing a POSTY shroom. In case you hadn’t figured it out, Michael Jordan, was indeed our winner.
Superlative Old School Athlete: Michael Jordan
And with that the opening ceremonies were done, but alas the end was not nigh yet! On stage were the POSTYS hosts, forgetting their sports alias: with Stif on drums, Steele on bass, KoD on guitar and LGN on keys. The crowd was in a major frenzy, particularly Bert and Devaux. The crowd readied their lighters, and waited zealously for the POSTYS Band to rock this Casbah. Somehow, Steele was able to paddle himself back up the river for one last bit of the show.
LGN: Ladies and gentlemen, I thank you all for coming tonight, and I tell you what: the show may be ending, and you’ll have to wait for the rest tomorrow and further on, but please: Don’t Stop Us Now!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=58CJih1iYC0
((Queen – Don’t Stop Me Now))
LGN begins to play keys like no other, weaving a mystical, magical melody of ecstasy and beauty. “Don’t, stop, me, now,” they said, and the song picked up it’s hat and went dancing on top of the Empire System from there. Stif laid down an awesome beat as Steele strummed along like none other. KoD lead the way with his luscious guitar skills that even made SLE nod in glee. “Don’t stop me now,” they sang again, and they would not be denied now. Unexpectedly, Stif’s drum-set and himself gradually rose into the air as if floating away like LGN sang.
Then, walking out from behind the stage, another face arose much shock and awe from the crowd. Why it was none other than Mvpguy, the founder of the POSTYS, decked out with his own guitar. Even the hosts were amazed by his appearance, but played on, hey, it’s the POSTYS. Without even having to ask he set the stage ablaze with his epic guitar solo that made the crowd holler for more. “We’re having a good time and I don’t want to stop at all!”
They continued on and on, and as the crowd danced and sang along, it was obvious that the POSTYS Hosts were bringing the house down for this show. As this opener ends, the real show begins and you see the meat and ingredients of the POSTY sandwich. We’d like to take a moment and honor all the members who have come and gone on this site; no matter who you were and what you said we appreciate and love every last one of ya. No matter how bad the world around you gets, always know that we’re here for you. We may not look like it, but we are, well, Angel always is.
So tonight we say good day and have fun. To Mvpguy, your contributions to the forum won’t ever be forgotten; we thank you everyday for coming up with the idea of the POSTYS and jump starting them in the right direction. As long as Stif loves Luna, KoD makes killer videos and Steele SHAHWMs all who deserve it, the POSTYS shall never die. “Don’t stop the POSTYS now, come on!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EDIT: You CAN post comments.
Do you know, of the hilarity that commences leaving people grinning and almost shedding tears?
Do you know, of the high jinks that ensue that often leaves people dazed and confused?
Do you know, the Muffin Man?
This, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call the POSTYS.
Ah, the local junkyard of Topeka, Kansas: home to a many hobos and spouses kicked out of their homes, but there was one other. His name, was LGN. LGN was sleeping in a cardboard box with several rips in tears, only to awake with a piece of paper on his face. He mumbles and then reads the note:
“Dear Sir or Madam,
We members of the POSTYS Committee proudly and gladly invite all to come and watch the unveiling of golden mushrooms to people you have never seen or heard of, but that’s beyond the point. Come, no further explanation is necessary, curiosity will take you the rest of the way. Bring plenty of tissues, popcorn, and xylophones; we hope to see you soon.
Sincerely,
The POSTYS Committee”
Suddenly, LGN springs up out of the cardboard box and his newspaper blanket with an astonished and stressed expression on his face.
LGN: Motha Ghangii, I forgot about the POSTYS! Why does this seem so familiar?
Angel: *pokes head out of trash can* I’m six years old!
Unfortunately for LGN, this did not answer his question. And even more unfortunate for Angel, she realized she left the water running and dashed off.
LGN: Well maybe the others can stall for the opening segment. *realizes he is the opening segment* Brother of a sea urgent!
And with that LGN decided to truck it on over to the POSTYS as quickly as he could, while also playing extravagant music and completing oddball tasks, and yet again I will type it for a third time. This is, POSTYS III.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_YPCAu41Ho
((Less than Jake – Rock-n-Roll Pizzeria))
Across the globe he would go, where he stops, only Steele knows! LGN leaped over piles of trash with much ease, but to his displease he was being hunted down by the junkyard hounds. They nipped at him with their shiny teeth and glaring eyes, but out of the blue jumped Spookypaw who kicked them in the jaw. Together the duo traveled on, where he would find other persons of interest such as the one who mashes Mario’s and a crazed duck lover.
Meanwhile, the other hosts arrived without the look of a bloodthirsty rush smeared all over their faces. The crowd cheered and sang in envy as Steele of JROTC waltz around in pure glee, to which he replied “Go Gators!” for reasons that can not be explained at all. KoD appeared as well, and his posse of vibrant personas followed suit. Last, but certainly not late, was Stif, who kept praising Luna Lovegood so much Bert started to shed tears. They met backstage, but LGN was nowhere to be seen. KoD and Stif were merely puzzled by the scene, while Steele’s face began to steam so much he would make a useful lantern in case of a power outage; which was far from being a-okay.
But there was nothing they could do but look on, while Captain Lazy pressed on. Dodging New York traffic and bagel hunters, throwing a tea party in the Boston Harbor, traversing the Pacific Ocean in only a matter of minutes, and escaping the bulls of Spain: they were only minutes away before the fat lady would sing on the gondolas of Venice. But alas, tardiness will have to wait another day, and bursting through the backdrop walls, LGN stumbled onto the stage and fell on his face, to save the day.
KoD: Well it’s about time.
LGN: Blarghen-strudel, I hate it when I have to do that.
Stif: And why did you rhyme so much? Not to mention you made an intro for the intro for the intro, and this is just another intro for the real intro.
LGN: Well, hopefully I just won’t be cut off by the an—
Announcer: Live from Venice, Italy, this is, the POSTYS!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=glfRfFmLSM4
((Dancing with the Stars – Intro))
The canals shake; the buildings and grandstands are filled with rowdy and passionate fans; and the air had a crisp scent for Shrooms. From Weird Al, Lloyd Irving, Eiron, and even a Shepard and his sheep, the crowd was overflowing with whacky and infamous faces. Lights flickered and sparkled over the cascading waters of the canal and the beautiful city of Venice, some of the people working the lights made shadow puppets.
The POSTYS hosts entered in their own certain style, whether doing twin barrel rolls or ridding a crocodile, the crowd couldn’t be more pleased by their showing of randomosity. However, LGN was not quite as flamboyant as the others, and leisurely slithered on down. Vocabulary aside, Stif pulled a lever and up sprang the bright and golden shrooms that almost looked good enough to eat. The crowd was going Bonkers, and a certain Brawl developer we all know well was just as bright eyed and bushytailed as he was before.
LGN: *is wheeled into upright position by dolly* Thank you one in all, I am pleased to see you all.
Steele: A spectacular showcase of awards given to what you, the voters, polled for. Whether it is the ‘Most Dedicated Member’ or ‘Terrible Thespian’ you vote for it, we post it. The winners will receive one these golden shrooms *gestures to podium with shrooms* and will receive some parting gifts that are nowhere near as cool.
LGN: But there will be some special shrooms as well, given to members for extraordinary acts or attributes!
Stif: Oh really?
LGN: Yes in-deedy, also allow me to run off the schedule for the week: tonight is the Opening Ceremonies, tomorrow you’ll be able to see Stif and the Entertainment Awards, Wednesday will be KoD’s time to shine with the RPG Awards, Thursday Steele brings the glam with the Member Awards, and I’ll close out the show with the Closing Ceremonies. There’s so much to see and observe, so without further ado, let’s begin! *fireworks shoot off on sides of stage*
KoD: Our first shroom is for the “Strangest Spam” winner. The nominees for this bizarre award are:
SLE stole my Wallet From Me
Operation Soup Pants
Kin – Why he’s better than you
Stif: And the winner is…………………….OPERATION SOUP PANTS! *leaps into the air and does the splits*
Strangest Spam: Operation Soup Pants! (Conducted by Dobs and Eiron)
Naturally, Dobs skanks up onto the stage and claims the award, with Eiron not far behind. They tell their tale of gratitude, and wave the shroom in the air. However, disaster strikes, the power is cut, and gasps and screams are heard from the crowd. LGN is on the floor in a fettle position, but soon returns to his feet when he hears the most sinister, diabolical, dreadful voice of a villain known to some, but not all.
?: Bwhahahaha, hoot before me POSTYS hosts, or I shall unleash my wrath!
KoD: Hey, that’s my job to be the annoying villain that comes to screw everything up! *is ignored*
Steele: Who is that: is it Blank, Link King, an under appreciated Goomba?
Stif: Well it might be Bert—
Bert: *jumps up and nearly falls over* I’m in the stands!
LGN: No, I know who it is, but I won’t say it because I have to build more drama, so I don’t know who it is.
?: Give me all the POSTYS Shrooms this instant, or I may do one of two things. One, steal all the POSTYS with my sock puppeteers, or two, give you my cologne that is named after myself. Or three, which I forgot to mention, I will launch this innocent little girl at you from my Wii-Zapper.
Angel: I always say I’m six years old, when really, I’m older than every single one of you. I mean, gah?
The POSTYS Hosts were really left in the dark this time, and I do also mean that literally. With only a second to act and the lives of every single person on the line the bravest of the bunch, Stif spoke up.
Stif: Do you like Luna Lo—*gets hit by a six year old via Wii Zapper*
?: You win this time bovines, but this colored Lord will, return!
With that the lights blasted back on, Steele’s head was on straight, and everything was almost back to the norm before they were rudely interrupted.
Stif: That, was weird.
KoD: I thought it was irritating, I’m supposed to be the main—*is interrupted and ignored*
LGN: Please, this is the POSTYS, anything can happen! *a random ostrich bolts across the stage that Dobs and Eiron chase after*
Steele: Enough chitter-chatter. *whacks LGN with a bowling pin* Our next award is the ‘Spectacular Screw-up (members)’ Award.
KoD: Where we laugh, I mean, honor these great decisions. The nominees being:
Hacking
Maia Being Ice Cold
Anyone Who Trusted the Sheik
Dreadful Role-players
Kin and anything involving clothing
LGN: It has to be the last one, there’s something terribly wrong with that one.
Stif: But actually, the winner is……………………….Anyone Who Trusted the Sheik!
Spectacular Screw-Up: Anyone Who Trusted the Sheik
After the reading of the award winner, many people began boosting about how they were that guy who trusted the Sheik.
Ghost: Lol-a-man’s Island, that was so me!
Big Boss: Yeah, same here.
Cell: Bah, that was all me you fools! I shall melt your faces with my taco beam if you think otherwise.
Back on the stage, the POSTYS Hosts were clearing out for an unexpected appearance by Wiggy and Falcoman. The crowd screamed at the sight of the nostalgic figures, as they strode across the stage, IOY even attempted to leap onto the stage, but ended up falling Sakurai’s Barbie Dollhouse in the seat over.
Wiggy: Ah, I remember you guys, well most of you.
Falcoman: But only those who recall on that epic thing known as nostalgia could remember us; our pirate shenanigans and karma counts that far exceeded those one hundreds, one millions to be exact.
Wiggy: Nevertheless we introduce the ‘Most Nostalgic Moment’ award; honoring some of the most memorable moments in history of pretty much everything that is awesome.
Falcoman: I couldn’t have put it better my often-confused-as-Bert, partner. The nominees are:
Ash and Pikachu become Friends
Hey Arnold Series
Back When Stif Was a Moderator
Supper Bonafide Brawl Release Scrambling of Pictures
Anju and Kafei Ending in Majoras Mask
Falcoman: And the winner is……*receives card from Mitch and the Link, two other nostalgic members*…..Ash and Pikachu Becoming Friends!
Most Nostalgic Moment: Ash and Pikachu Become Friends
The crowd awes in empathy of the duo that have made it a long way from Pallet Town, no matter how many times the battle Team Rocket and Pikachu gets kidnapped…….451 times to be exact. The two walk onto the stage and claim their award, but before they say anything a Bidoof levitates across the stage for no reason. Ash and Pikachu gaze at each other, and nod, they then bolt off the stage and chased after the Bidoof.
The POSTYS Hosts return to the stage.
Stif: I so thought I was going to win, actually, I didn’t, well, maybe; why wasn’t Littlemac somewhere in there?
KoD: I’m more confused about the Bidoof, it makes me wonder what’s coming up around the bend!
KoD then points to the east side of the stage, and floating on a massive gondola, is none other than the Clock Pirates of Ti-Pang. However, these were not your average pirates. Armed with laser swords that fired over swords and household appliances, and decked out in clown suits and Elk antlers, they were truly either a bewildering site or the most terrifying thing the crowd and hosts had ever set their eyes on. Naturally, their leader, Lawl, was there to come ruin the day.
Lawl: Naturally, I’ve come with my band of zelets to come and ruin your day, and I brought Lex Luther, because he’s good at scowling and nothing else, Tim Curry, U2, and a bunch of other people none important people. What do you have to say to that?
LGN: I say, bring you on, in the name of Motha Ghangii!
KoD now pointed to the west side of the stage, where LGN and his band of other pirates were ridding in on pile of magazines and sporks. They also had a barrel with an odd cargo inside of what appeared to be a Toon Link head and body, but it definitely wasn’t Steele, again. Rip Torn was also there, who then kicked the barrel into a rollout toward the Clock Pirates Gondola.
Rip Torn: If you can dodge a barrel with some crack-headed, Gator fan-- you can dodge a ball!
With that the donnybrook commenced. As Steele tripped up a many people from under the feet and then fell into the sea, Ghost hit people with his broken chair and Game Cube. Cell in turn simply snapped his fingers with his epic snowboarding skills (because he would sue if we said surfing) that made the Clock-men go insane. But Lawl was also crafty as he threw shrimp cocktails at everyone, making them go blind from the awful stank. Lex Luther on the other hand, just scowled about his next scheme where he would use a giant crystal to make the United States a water park for profit……or something, his schemes are always pretty convoluted. Now the crowd was getting involved as Sakurai threw Wiimote and accessories at anyone who neared his dollhouse, bellowing a “CHAA!” each time.
In a completely unrelated part of the stage, which was practically a small corner, Jukan missed the madness around him in such a casual manner it’s as if he didn’t notice, as he made his way to the two POSTYS hosts not involved in the fray.
Jukan: Hey, can I get my award now?
Stif: *pokes head out from behind cardboard cutout of himself* What do you mean?
Jukan: Can I just get my award for ‘Dumbest Decision (Staff)’ already? I’m like part of four of the five nominees’ shenanigans that landed them on the list.
KoD: *peaks out from behind his cardboard cutouts of “Bob” whoever “Bob” is*
Jukan: I know, the nominees were:
Once Banned, YOU STAY BANNED!
Making the Sheik a Mod
Angel's One Month Promotion
Ghost and his Gluteus Maximous Censor
Censorship of Spork
Jukan: Can you read it already?
Stif peered around the corner of his cutout and saw that the stage was being ravaged from every point possible. Both bands of pirates were in a fierce deadlock. Lawl and LGN were bopping each other in the noggin with clubs like two cavemen, and Cell suddenly had the urge to go snowboarding and left the field of battle. And yet, no one had bothered to fish Steele out of the canal yet.
Stif figured it would be a good idea just to give Jukan his award, when out of the blue his mind was no longer focusing on obscure Harry Potter characters.
Stif: The winner was the Censorship of Spork, so sorry Jukan, you did not win.
Jukan: Can I at least get a ribbon?
KoD: *reaches into hair and pulls one out* Yes.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI
((Rick Astley – Never Gonna Give You Up))
Dumbest Decision (Staff): Censorship of Spork
And as Rick Astley’s song played throughout the stadium, the fans, pirates, hosts, and everything in-between put aside their differences. LGN stared into Lawl’s eyes, and Lawl stared into Rip Torn’s eyes, who was starring at Samus, who slapped Rip Torn, but no one cared. KoD’s eyes shifted suspiciously, his head twitched, again, and then Stif and Jukan followed suit. Swiftly, a line of head twitchers formed, and people put aside their differences to bask in the oddness, but amazing feeling we call being Rick Roll’D. Sakurai, however, was the most humorous of the pack, as he mouthed the lyrics of the entire song. Yes indeed, it was a moment that words could not describe, and that’s how it was supposed to be.
However, Lex Luther and Bert weren’t feeling it. The two of them both started scowling on the stage, while they paced back and forth.
Lex Luther: I wasn’t paid to have my head twitch in a goofy fashion, and this isn’t the song you do that anyways! Nag Nag Nag! Scowl Scowl Scowl!
Bert: Okay, I’m ending this madness, its bad enough I find this song enjoyable, but I’m not going to watch this non-sense for another twenty minutes.
Bert ran behind stage and looked for the special effects operator. Strangely, he found Bob Snicket messing with the controls with Kirby aiding him. With a cough from Bert the two turned around and spotted Bert. At this point, they knew their ruse was over, and before Bert could speak the duo disappeared behind a cloud of fairy dust and unicorn sparkles. Bert only shrugged, and then made a beeline for the controls, which he smashed to bits with his Palakia plushie.
After five minutes of booting everyone off stage, the POSTYS Hosts had now regained their composure and had driven off the pirates; but alas, they still had not fished out Steele, who was now long gone.
LGN: You know, I had to skip breakfast to get here?
Stif: You’re ignoring the fact that Steele’s missing and recalling that you didn’t have breakfast? How original.
LGN: Why yes of course, and I’m recalling it because it’s our next award: ‘Beastly Breakfast’! The nominees are:
Biscuits and Sausage Gravy with Eggs
Bagels
Waffles
Falcon Punch
Pancakes smothered in Maple Syrup with crispy Bacon and 2 biscuits covered in white home style gravy and an ice cold Apple Juice
Just before Stif and LGN were going to announce the winner, a bus rose out of the canal and onto the stage. It paused; the doors opened and out came Fat Albert carrying the Golden Shroom and the winner of the POSTY, waffles!
Beastly Breakfast: Waffles
Simultaneously, Fat Albert’s friends busted out of the bus in a mad dash to give the fans their much deserved waffles. Even O.J. Simpson, a proud member of Bus Driver’s Inc., a sponsor of the POSTYS, was there high-fiving people and handing them steaming waffles. Many were confused by this gesture, and how O.J. escaped prison again, but they were too busy enjoying their magnificent waffles to care. And as fast as they came, they filed back into their yellow bus and submerged into the sea.
Back with the hosts, LGN, KoD, and Stif were sitting behind a large sport’s desk, and it was obvious that they were going to announce the sport’s awards now. Yet, something seemed different about the three, perhaps KoD’s fake wig and skin tan, Stif’s missing Luna Lovegood apparel and anything that has to do with Harry Potter, and LGN looking like a cake-sniffing moron…..actually, he looks like that a lot.
Stif: Hello I’m Stifmeister Jr., and here are my colleagues King of Hoops KoD, and Scooter G.
KoD: You do know I’m more of a cricket person right? *still ignored*
Stif: Well folks before you we have the sports awards, and even if you don’t like sports I will tell you now that this is no sporting event, but rather, an S.A.P.A. event. Isn’t that right Scooter?
Scooter (LGN): Dude, totally. For you dudes and chicks that don’t know, SAPA stands for “Supper Awesome POSTYS Action”, which I nicknamed. *drinks sports drink*
Stif: *rolls eyes* Anyhow, kicking off the inning is the ‘Most Insane Moment in Sports History’ award, I mean event. Hoops, who do you have winning this event?
KoD: *gets over the fact he doesn’t play basketball* Well Stif, there’s going to be crazy shenanigan-like action going on down there, the competitors being:
‘Kobe Bryant Scoring 81 Points’ – Unfortunately Mr. Bryant’s doin’ work and won’t be able to compete so I put his chances slim.
‘High School Musical's Basketball Screw Up’ – I’m not sure how they made it this far but they are definitely the underdog’s here, considering a lot of people laugh at Disney Channel because of them.
‘2007 Daytona 500 Finish (NASCAR)’ – Bah, since when was making a bunch of left turns and avoiding drunk drivers for a three hour drive an event? I have no idea, but I wouldn’t count them out in this one.
‘Chess Boxing’ – Now that’s what I call a competitor, there’s nothing better than playing rounds of chess and box simultaneously. They are the over-dog in this event, Stif.
Tracy McGrady (T-mac) Scoring 13 Points in 35 seconds – Oh bother, there’s no way that should be in this fight, they’re going to get schooled, fool. My grandma could do that, and she’s handicapped!
MJ's NBA Finals shot – They’re the side dog in this one, Stif, and I know Scooter’s betting all his money on this one to repay his home loans.
Stif: Thanks KoH, and the winner is –drum roll Scooter!
Scooter: Duh, duhduhduh duh da, dadadadada DA DA DA, ti tolli ti tolli tollitollitolli ta DA DA DA, dubdubdubdubdubadubadubadub daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa……..Tracy Mc-Grady!
Most insane moment in Sports history: Tracy McGrady Scoring 13 points in 35 seconds
Stif: Unfortunately, McGrady is too busy practicing for the upcoming season to attend, so we’ll send it to him via sausage. *those weird sausages you see on TV take POSTY and sprint off*
LGN: Now that’s what I call eye-or-knee, heh hah! Oh, and because only one due was nominated, we give Johnny Flynn the ‘Up and Coming Athlete’ award for his prowess and skill in equestrian.
Stif: You mean basketball, Scooter.
Up and Coming Athlete: Johnny Flynn (he sounds like a pirate)
KoH: And the L.A. Clippers won the POSTY for ‘Most Disappointing (Pro) Team’, and Michigan scored the same for college!
LGN: Go Buckeyes……yeah, go Buckeyes! *heard Steele off in the distance shout “Go Gators!”*
Most Disappointing (College/Pro) Team: L.A. Clippers, Michigan Wolverines
Stif: And let’s not forget the ‘Legendary Pro Athlete’ awards! I say, it appears we have a deadlock tie for that award between:
Peyton Manning
Dwayne Wade
Michael Phelps
Michelle Kwan
David Wright
KoH: That is a darn shame Stifmeister, but I wouldn’t call it a bummer because no one has a clue who they are. How are we going to split it into fifths?
Stif: I say we give it to NBA; he sounds like he plays a sport.
Scooter: Eff-i-nay, Hopper, Eff-i-nay!
Legendary Pro Athlete: NBA
NBA runs up onto the stage and celebrates in complete revelation of his victory. He rejoices by slam dunking a basketball from the half court line just like Dr. J., yeah!
KoH: Stif is Scooter alright?
Stif: Oh you get used to it, KoH, I mean KoD. But don’t worry my finely feathered friend, for the Dodge Ball match between the Brawlers and 3rd Party. Scooter is on the scene giving us the scoop on the Brawlers.
Scooter: Thanks Stacey, well I’m here with the captain of—
Stif: Sorry to interrupt G, but that’s a janitor.
Scooter: Oh, sorry about that dudes. *gets hit by broom off camera* Well I’m here with the real captain of the Brawlers: Captain, Popo Falcon; because he’s….well, a captain! So Captain, do you guys think you’re gonna win?
Captain Falcon: YUS!
Scooter: Gnarly bra, so tell me about your band.
Captain Falcon: If you mean my team, then we are the most awesome, epic, and all that jazz. Decking out our six man team is Olimar, Game and Watch, Gannon, Wario, and we recently had to sub in Jigglypuff.
Scooter: Yeah man, I heard Samus had to quit the team, why? *guzzles down more sports drink*
Captain Falcon: Something about a blue suit boy, arm cannons and….well they say she had to go to the hospital, but who cares! With me on our team, we will totally destroy the—
Scooter: Thanks Falcon *cuts him off*, well Stif it seems that someone stuck a laser up Samus’ but on that one.
Stif: Indeed you are right Scooter, and I’m certain Dobs won’t be happy after reading that. Okay, right now we’re with KoH and the Third Party team.
KoH: I’m here with Sonic, leader of the Third Party team and I have to ask Sonic, how will you clobber the other team?
Sonic: We got skillz that ownz, homlez! Ow, yeah, with our pimped out—
KoH: Are you going to kill them or not, dangit!
Sonic: That sounds a little violent, dog.
KoH: *twitches*
Stif: Well it looks like the game is going to start here. Because KoH, is having a moment we’ll go read off the rest of the lineup for the 3rd Partiers or as Sonic wrote on this card for me to read: *shuffles around* The Sellouts, I mean Rock Outs. The team is: Sonic, Snake, Master Chief, Kratos, Spyro, and Bomberman. Megaman was originally part of the team, but as Scooter mentioned he’s….on leave.
Now remember folks, the rules for dodge ball is simple. You throw a ball and hit the opposing player, if they are hit before it hits the ground, they are out, if they catch it, you are out and they get to bring in another player. You also can’t cross the center line and both teams start at their opposing sides to begin the match before they sprint and retrieve the dodge balls. Plus, stars, green and red shells and lightning are banned.
DING DING DING!
Stif: And with that the game begins! The Brawlers are off to a good start retrieving four of the six balls on the playing field. The Rock Outs are having a bit of difficulties, as newly acquainted Kratos is having a bit of hard time gripping the aspects of this game.
Kratos: What is this thing you call…..dodge ball? *gets nailed in the shoulder* RARGH ARGH! I’m going to rip that guy’s face off in an overly gory fashion!
But in ordinance for the rules, Kratos had to take a seat. The Rock Outs suffered another lose when team captain, Sonic, was beamed in the face for dancing around on the stage like a moron. Master Chief also quickly was in need of repair as his godmod option had been turned off, and was out in an instant. Solid was attempting to close quarter someone, particularly Olimar, but he crossed the center line, a direct violation to dodge ball rules; that and he was staring at some woman in the audience.
The Rock Outs were fading fast, with only Spyro and Bomberman left and the Brawlers having a full team, they needed a miracle to comeback in this game.
Scooter: Hah Hah! Looks like Goliath just became David, and David became Chuck Norris!
Stif: You know Scooter I think you actually made a little sense in your last statement. *shakes head in disbelief* What’s this?! Olimar’s and Game and Watch’s passes were both caught, and Snake and Sonic re-enter the game. And the game is even again at four, four. Again, I am bedazzled, it appears Solid and Sonic are using some sort of tag team maneuver, it appears Sonic has become another ball! The ball is tossed, oh but it’s stopped in mid air by a….pink ball? My goodness, these teams are really making good use of their smaller players.
KoH: I don’t know this is definitely not something I approve of, Stif.
Stif: Well now the teams are down to three, three.
Rayman winds for the toss and knocks Wario backwards with his toss. But the Brawlers aren’t out yet; Gannon leaps in the air and puts some spin on his toss, clipping Spyro’s wings, and he is out for the count! But Snake was too quick for the middle-aged geezer, and tags him on his retreat. This sends Falcon into a tailspin of rage:
Captain Falcon: No one ousts the Gannon like that!
Utilizing his inner eight year softball player expertise, he barely strikes Rayman right at his feet. Snake was the only thing standing between Falcon and the glorious reward: The Cereal Bowl filled with waffles and plenty of Captain Crunch’s delicious cereal to keep any man satisfied for a lifetime.
Snake: Hey Falcon, because I’m pretty cheap in Brawl, I’ll tell ya a hint; your fly is undone.
But as slippery as Snake thought he was trying to nail the unsuspecting Falcon, his shot was dodged with the majestic flair of the pilot, doing a triple axel backhand spring three pointer, something so elaborate and complex this description more than not threw you off. Falcon retaliated; he tossed the ball into the air, followed it up with a Falcon Punch, and then let out his battle cry:
Captain Falcon: FALCON-PUNCH!
If you just blinked, you would have missed the dodge ball slamming down into Snake’s groin and then him falling over to the ground, writhing in pain. With the Captain’s Punch he sent the ball speeding into Snake so fast, it would make Sonic jealous. The Brawler’s jumped for joy and poured Falcon Punch over their Captain and celebrated all night long with their Cereal Bowl in hand.
Stif: Now that’s what I call a finish ladies and gentlemen, I have never seen anything like it! I’ve seen penguin soccer, dancing sponges, even the elusive Waldo having a drink of tea with Carmen San Diego, but never anything like this!
Scooter: Good thing I tapped this on my TV, Stif.
KoH: *facepalms*
Stif: Continuing on, we present the winner of ‘Prolific Sports Team’ event. And the printer is printing me the nominees now:
Buffalo Bills of the 90s
Indianapolis Colts (Present)
1980's US Hockey Team
Chicago Bulls 1980's-1990's
Tennessee Titans (Present)
KoH: And the winner, of unanimous decision, is………….the 1980’s US HOCKEY TEAM!
Scooter: U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A., U.S.A!
Prolific Sports Team: 1980’s US HOCKEY TEAM!
Stif: And that closes out the show everyone—
NBA: Boo! I may be the only one still reading this because no one cares about sports, but one more shroom!
Scooter: Stif, it appears the crowd wants another award.
Stif: Yes well, I guess we can close out the show with one more award, but also a little something we have up our sleeves. The last award for the night will be the ‘Superlative Old School Athlete’ POSTY. The nominees being some old time favorites:
Wilt Chamberlain – NBA Star who scored 100 points in one game
Michael Jordan – (you should know who he is)
Roger Banister – First runner to run a mile under four minutes
Lawrence Taylor – NFL Hall of Fame Linebacker (he made a guy bleed by how hard he nailed him)
KoH: And the winner of the POSTY goes to……..
Before KoH could finish his sentence, Scooter threw a basketball into the air near a basketball court that appeared out of nowhere. Michael Jordan lunged after it, did a summersault, and then slammed it down so hard it broke the rim and shattered the backboard glass, revealing a POSTY shroom. In case you hadn’t figured it out, Michael Jordan, was indeed our winner.
Superlative Old School Athlete: Michael Jordan
And with that the opening ceremonies were done, but alas the end was not nigh yet! On stage were the POSTYS hosts, forgetting their sports alias: with Stif on drums, Steele on bass, KoD on guitar and LGN on keys. The crowd was in a major frenzy, particularly Bert and Devaux. The crowd readied their lighters, and waited zealously for the POSTYS Band to rock this Casbah. Somehow, Steele was able to paddle himself back up the river for one last bit of the show.
LGN: Ladies and gentlemen, I thank you all for coming tonight, and I tell you what: the show may be ending, and you’ll have to wait for the rest tomorrow and further on, but please: Don’t Stop Us Now!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=58CJih1iYC0
((Queen – Don’t Stop Me Now))
LGN begins to play keys like no other, weaving a mystical, magical melody of ecstasy and beauty. “Don’t, stop, me, now,” they said, and the song picked up it’s hat and went dancing on top of the Empire System from there. Stif laid down an awesome beat as Steele strummed along like none other. KoD lead the way with his luscious guitar skills that even made SLE nod in glee. “Don’t stop me now,” they sang again, and they would not be denied now. Unexpectedly, Stif’s drum-set and himself gradually rose into the air as if floating away like LGN sang.
Then, walking out from behind the stage, another face arose much shock and awe from the crowd. Why it was none other than Mvpguy, the founder of the POSTYS, decked out with his own guitar. Even the hosts were amazed by his appearance, but played on, hey, it’s the POSTYS. Without even having to ask he set the stage ablaze with his epic guitar solo that made the crowd holler for more. “We’re having a good time and I don’t want to stop at all!”
They continued on and on, and as the crowd danced and sang along, it was obvious that the POSTYS Hosts were bringing the house down for this show. As this opener ends, the real show begins and you see the meat and ingredients of the POSTY sandwich. We’d like to take a moment and honor all the members who have come and gone on this site; no matter who you were and what you said we appreciate and love every last one of ya. No matter how bad the world around you gets, always know that we’re here for you. We may not look like it, but we are, well, Angel always is.
So tonight we say good day and have fun. To Mvpguy, your contributions to the forum won’t ever be forgotten; we thank you everyday for coming up with the idea of the POSTYS and jump starting them in the right direction. As long as Stif loves Luna, KoD makes killer videos and Steele SHAHWMs all who deserve it, the POSTYS shall never die. “Don’t stop the POSTYS now, come on!”
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