Angel tells her deepest secret- PLEASE READ/POST!!

[Angel]

Please note that Manga pages are read right to left..


"What I will be, I will be just fine.."



Hello everyone.. everyone here. I want to start by saying it would mean a lot to me if you read this all.. and I really will try to cut to the chase and not take up your time. But this is something I finally have to say or I'm going to keep drifting from this place.

You guys all know me as Angel.. my name. And while this is my name and I'm so happy this is the name you know me as.. I was born with a different name. When I was born, my mother named me Michael..



I can't help but feel like you are her in this situation. By now you are probably feeling pretty emotionless.. don't really know how to respond. That's alright.. I totally understand. I am a male-to-female transgender, transsexual, whatever word you want to use. I was born a girl in a boys body. This has been something that always has been apart of who I am since my earliest memory.

My earliest memory was actually, to be exact. Of a crying me about to get my picture take with my little sister who was 3 at the time. We were placed in this wicker basket up on this table.. we were both very small. I cried and cried because of the height.. but what I was really upset with was I so jealous of the beautiful dress my sister was wearing. I was always and still am so jealous of natural born girls.. I can tell you now I wouldn't want to waste my life the way I have.

I don't choose to be this way. It isn't a choice one bit. It's something that it seems I was fated to be. Something I tried from running from.. but the girl inside refuses to go. She is me.



Yeah, if your asking.. I'm not physically female yet. I guess you could say the gender on my profile is a lie.. well.. in a way it isn't. If those words has said "Sex" on it.. then it would have been a lie. In my opinion and in actual definition, sex and gender are too different things. I believe that there is nothing wrong with being female gendered inside.

I hate being ashamed of something that all other girls get to not be. Every other girl get's to just be one, why should I be the only one who feels like I'm lying to everyone. I'm not! I'm a girl.. at least I think so.



Believe me, I've heard it all. I want you to know that if you feel that.. I'm a liar, if you feel that I'm stupid or that there is something wrong with me.. I deeply apologize. But I've heard it all before, I'm still here. I'm going to keep being here because in my soul I can't run away from the fact that I'm a girl inside. I've tried pretending I was a boy and I was slowly killing myself.. literally.

So I have to face it. I have to "man up" to it. I'm a girl. I'm a princess whose trapped in the most horrendous of dungeons.. except for me.. maybe there is no hero that can magically set me free.

And with this.. I leave you. Please respond, and please respond in this open thread. I will not read any PM's about this.. please let your honest feelings out. Posting this is for my own mental health.. if I didn't post it, I would probably be leaving the place soon..

[Ghost]

i said it on MSN and i'll say it again...

I'm berry proud of you for posting this

[starprincess]

You worry too much. I complete understand how you are feeling. Girl born in a mans body... I get it. When I was growing up I believe that I should have been born as a guy. I liked guy stuff, I hated dressing up, I didn't like makeup, I hated to gossip and I just hated girl life in general. I came to grips with myself when I became about 13. Although I really liked boy stuff, I didn't mind girl stuff either. So I just accepted the fact that I was a girl and I made the most of it.

You on the other hand want to change what you naturally are. This isn't a bad thing but I just don't want you to totally throw away the guy side of you. It's still a part of you. If you throw it away you are going to lose a vital part of yourself, even if you don't like it. Express yourself more often and don't be afraid of opening up (I know what you are thinking. I should be doing the same thing >_<).

Also don't be jealous toward other girls. If I've learned anything about life its that things happen for a reason. Maybe it was fate that this turn of events happened to you. You may not like it but its just the way things are. I want you to be happy with your life instead of scorning yourself and others for your misfortune. You know who you want to be and how to become that person. I don't see you any differently Angel. It's the inside that counts, not the outside. I love you Angel and I hope that you will find that mental relief you seek.

[Rorschach]

Angel nobody would ever be mad at you or think your stupid. I definently wont see you as a different person. I'll only think of you as the girl who loves Colette more than anybody else(I am willing to challenge you on that).

I think you are a very brave indivisual for posting this and although it sounds ironic cuz im younger than you, Im proud of you too.

I hope now that youve posted this you will be at peace.

[eiron]

Like others have said, I am so, so proud of you.

We all love you for who you are, and we'll all stand by you no matter what. You've done so much for me, and I'm so happy to have met you. Regardless about how you may feel about yourself sometimes, just know that I think you're an amazing person, no matter what.

[Cell]

*hugs Angel* I am so very proud of you for finally posting this, I'm sure it took a lot of courage to finally open up with this.

I know this thread is to get honest feelings out over this, and you don't have to approve of her lifestyle, however if any of you flame Angel for her choice of lifestyle... well... you have to deal with me.

And I mean it. -_o

[Big Boss]

this thread is protected by big boss incorperated.

[ready2brawl]

*reads*

OK. So? It doesn't change anything.

[Angel]

Mar 20, 2009 15:07:54 GMT -5 @ready2brawl said:

*reads*

OK. So? It doesn't change anything.

*giggle* Aww.. that makes me react more than anything else here. Thanks for that one..

@ Everyone else: Thank you all So-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o much for everything you've said here.

[NBAplaya8484]

It dosent matter your still the same ol' Angel ;D

[Angel]

Sorry, but I kinda want people to read this.. can we try and not post in these boards for today? I would really appreciate it.

[sasukess]

I do not see the diff. i only know you as angel, so this new info means nothing to me. your angel, and nothing will be able to change that

i wish you luck with your surgery ;D

[lloydexphere]

Like Sour said, you are the girl who likes Colette more than anyone. ;D

[Magus]

Listen, Angel, I think I am speaking for everyone saying that it doesnt change anything. Everybody still likes you.
And you did well to express your feelings, as Im in a similar situation, though not so extreme... Im a fun guy born into a geeks body. Sounds weird but its true.
*huggles* Just be yourself, its the key to success.

[Jukan]

You know my position on this Angel. I have a friend in real life just like you and I introduced you to him. Although I don’t respect his wishes to treat him like a girl because I have known him since middle school doesn’t mean I won’t respect yours. Your awesome plain and simple. You know this fact wouldn’t change my view on you, ands it hasn’t, nor will it at ANY point!!! I’m proud of you Angel…I think people’s respect for you just went up some rather then down, my respect for ya has gone up some. Your also the best mod I know on not 1 but 2 forums, one of those you’re my fav mod (no joke Angel, your 10x better then achi and 100x better then me) and I’d HATE to see you leave because of this secrete. I’m glad you did what ya did!!